Fortunately, because I'm not trying to promote anything, I believe I'm allowed to use the term "Super Bowl" on this blog. Perhaps you've heard some of the recent fuss about "trademark" issues and the term "Super Bowl," and how places such as supermarkets and bars aren't allowed to use the term "Super Bowl" in their advertisements.
Having a special sale on snacks for the Super Bowl? Showing the Super Bowl on a big screen at your club? If so, you've got to refer to it as "The Big Game," or whatever else you can come up with to let people know that you are, of course, simply referring to the Super Bowl.
It's silly. And for a league that always does everything smart and markets itself so well, it's one of the dumbest things the NFL has ever done. The Super Bowl is pretty much a national holiday. Everybody should be allowed to refer to it by its proper name, and the league should be grateful for the added exposure and that there is always so much interest in its championship contest.
There is no question that Americans love the Super Bowl. We always have. My favorite team, the Dallas Cowboys, has played in eight of them and won five. And as has become my tradition every few years, I'll share some of the reasons why I will always love Super Sunday, and why even though I'm on the sidelines as a fan this year, I still can't wait for Super Bowl XLVIII.
1) For men, it is generally accepted that we are completely sovereign on Super Sunday. If the women in our lives would like to watch the game, great. They are more than welcome. We enjoy their company. But if not, who cares? Go to the mall. Shop. Do whatever it is that you do. We men appreciate the fact that on this day, you understand that we will be fairly consumed by this event. If we want to start watching the pre-game show 10 hours before kickoff, you will understand. We will eat. We will drink. And if it's just the guys and not a family-style gathering, we will swear. And, we may gamble. You will simply accept it.
2) During the Super Bowl, if our own favorite team is not playing, we may torment people whose teams are playing. My rule is this: If you are my friend, and you are not a Dallas Cowboys fan, but you once rooted for them in the Super Bowl anyway, simply because you wanted me to be happy, then I will return the favor and root for your team. But, if you taunted me all week before the game about how my Boys were going to get dusted, I will hope that your team is completely humiliated and loses by a margin of at least 45 points.
3) The Super Bowl allows us the chance to revel in past glories. Almost always, on the day of the game, one of the ESPN networks will show a marathon of the official "NFL Films" Super Bowl highlights. These 30-minute gems have always been shot on real film, not the cheap stuff, so even if you're watching highlights from the very first Super Bowl, the picture is always perfect. In just 24 hours, you can get yourself one hell of a Super Sunday history lesson, and since they're always run in order, you can usually figure out what time your own team's triumphs will be shown, and when you'll need to tune out and switch channels to avoid the retelling of painful defeats.
4) The Super Bowl allows you to succumb to superstition. You must wear your "lucky" jersey. You must sit in "your spot." You must stick with the same snacks and beverages, especially if your team won when you had them last. During one Super Bowl, I decided to do a shot of Jack Daniels every time Dallas scored, and every time they kicked off. They won 52-17. Not good. That same year, I did not shave on the morning of the first round of the playoffs. Dallas won that day, so I didn't shave all week, until the NFC Championship Game. They won that game, too, so I didn't shave for two more weeks, until the Super Bowl. By the time the game came around, I had a beard. My friends actually took a picture of me shaving it off about an hour after the game, as we continued to party in victory. Laugh as you may, but I know the beard was a big part of the win.
5) The Super Bowl allows us the chance to use Roman numerals. Roman numerals are cool.
6) The Super Bowl sometimes allows us the chance to not fully recognize the current Super Bowl. A few years ago, I was invited to a Super Bowl party, so I took a cake with the a big blue star on it and the Roman numerals VI, XII, XXVII, XXVIII and XXX. These were the Super Bowls the Cowboys had won. The fact that Dallas was not playing in the Super Bowl that year was completely irrelevant.
7) The same concept applies to what we wear to Super Bowl parties. Many of us will wear our team's jersey to any such gathering, even if they are not playing in the game. Frankly, I believe this is how it should be. Yes, it's the day we crown a new champion, but it's also a day for us all to celebrate the greatness of the (insert Howard Cosell voice here) National Football League.
8) Those that are perceived as "bandwagon fans" during the Super Bowl will be unmercifully ridiculed and vilified. If you went out this week and bought a Broncos or Seahawks jersey, and you have never mentioned any allegiance to these teams before, you will no longer be respected by any of your friends.
9) The Super Bowl allows us the chance to gain perspective on greatness and to appreciate people that we once disliked. Example: When I was a kid, I hated Terry Bradshaw because he thumped Dallas in the Super Bowl, twice. But, thinking back, the guy was simply excellent. Same goes for Joe Montana. Two guys. Eight rings. Respect.
10) The Super Bowl allows us the opportunity to strike revenge and purge ourselves of old demons. For example, I always hated the old disco song "The Hustle" because it reminded me of when, in 1976 , Dallas lost Super Bowl X to Pittsburgh. It was a huge hit at the time, and I think they actually used the song during the broadcast of the game. Though I was just a kid, the tune always bothered me, and every time I heard it over the years, it put a little twinge of pain in my heart. Flash ahead to 1996. Super Bowl XXX. Twenty years later, Dallas gets its rematch with Pittsburgh. A few days before the game, I go out and buy one of those disco compilation CDs that contains "The Hustle," and when Dallas wins the game - which I knew they would - I blast that baby all though my apartment, dancing in joyous victory. Closure.
11) The Super Bowl is the time to observe proper Super Sunday etiquette. Some may need to be reminded that this is not a social event for everyone. This is World Championship football. Some people's hearts are on the line. Here are some tips:
a) If anyone at the party you're attending this year is a fan of the Broncos or Seahawks, you must show them courtesy and respect. This is their day, not yours. They get the best seats in proximity to the TV. Period. This is not debatable.
b) Do not ever - ever - stand in front of the television. If you do, you risk being sworn at and pelted with flying objects, which you fully deserve.
c) Do not try to chitchat with those focused on the game. If you're just at the party to hangout and socialize, go into another room. Or, even better, take it upon yourself to serve food and drinks to those watching the game.
d) If you don't know a damn thing about football, Super Sunday is not the day to learn. Don't ask a bunch of folks glued to their seats how many home runs Peyton Manning hit this year or what a first down is. You will be ignored.
e) Don't ask anyone who cares about the game to run and pick up the pizza. They will not. And if you have it delivered, tip the guy big time. Remember, this poor dude is missing the game.
f) Appreciate the well-intended contributions of the non-football people. If someone who doesn't care about the game shows up with a big bucket of wings and a case of beer, gladly accept it. This is their way of trying to get involved. Always thank these people accordingly and encourage them to run back out and return with more food and drinks if they'd like.
12) The Super Bowl allows us the opportunity to buy cool stuff during the weeks after the game. If your team wins, it's going to cost you some money. You'll need the obligatory boisterous championship t-shirts and pennants, which are usually in stores just a few days after the game, and later, you'll of course need the required commemorative championship steins and plaques.
13) The Super Bowl allows us the chance to show off to our friends all of the cool stats that we know about the Super Bowl. For example, Dallas lost three Super Bowls by a total of only 11 points. Even in defeat, they have never embarrassed themselves, and with a little luck, they could have won eight championships, not just five. Other stuff I know: The '85 Bears, at the time, put the worst beating on somebody in the Super Bowl, walloping the Patriots 46-10. The greatest whipping ever was San Fran's 55-10 lambasting of the Broncos in Super Bowl XXIV. Pennsylvania teams? The Steelers have won the most Super Bowls with six. The Eagles are 0-2. I could go on, but that would probably get annoying. It's cool to throw out a few of these during the game, but don't overdo it.
And finally ...
14) The Super Bowl allows us the chance to put down the remote control. For four hours, the station stays set. Sometimes it's a great game, sometimes it's a blow out. But for fans of the winner, it's a day they will always savor. Even the commercials are fun, and in recent years, everyone from Paul McCartney to Bruce Springsteen, The Rolling Stones, The Who, Madonna, Tom Petty and Prince have performed at halftime. This year, it's Bruno Mars. He's good. Really good.
Again, I give you my big-five: VI, XII, XXVII. XXVIII and XXX. Tom Landry, Roger Staubach, Tony Dorsett, Jimmy Johnson, Troy Aikman, Emmitt Smith ... these are the men that, on those days, made some and my Super Sundays most super, and for that I am still very grateful.
It is why I will always love the Super Bowl.
Now, who's running for the pizza? ...
